So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
