Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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