The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
