Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
