so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
