We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
