Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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