It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
