there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
