So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
