Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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