I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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