your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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