I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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