I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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