I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
