tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
