Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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