Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
