Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
