She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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