I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize