playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
