quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
