If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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