$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
