addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
