I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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