i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
