were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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