I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So apparently I’m into choking now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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