Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
