I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize