last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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