I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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