I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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