Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
