Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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