This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize