ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
