i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You ruined the universe
Randomize
