You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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