wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
