i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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