side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
