hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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