just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
