He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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