He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She told me I should be a condom model.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
