Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
