booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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