new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
