Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
