if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
