with your own penis?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
