my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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