You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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