My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
