Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
