Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
