I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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