Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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